Critics review 'Desolation of Smaug' | POSSIBLE SPOILERS

It just occurred to me that maybe Smaug is already in league with Sauron and the reviewer is making an accurate statement about the movie...  

just   to the lot of it.

Norc wrote:
... who changed my awesome title  ?

You can still let us know what the awesome title was. I missed it.

Radaghast wrote:It just occurred to me that maybe Smaug is already in league with Sauron and the reviewer is making an accurate statement about the movie...  

I've been wondering/worrying about this for quite some time.

Mrs Figg wrote:just   to the lot of it.

And a healthy allotment of  and  too.

Hopefully, none of this:  

Eldorion wrote:

Radaghast wrote:It just occurred to me that maybe Smaug is already in league with Sauron and the reviewer is making an accurate statement about the movie...  

I've been wondering/worrying about this for quite some time.

The possibilities are endless and frightening...  

Kinda Off Topic here...Ok I might have been Drunk when I read this, but Eldo do you remember a thread along these lines on TORn about 'a cult of Laketown survivors going to Erebor after the town's destruction to pray to the Necromancer's spirit'? It's probabaly just me (I'm frankly a bit lost with all the rumours)-but this could tie in with the supposed spy network in Laketown-perhaps they let the orcs in and are all in league with Smaug-Jackson has more or less said that he IS connecting Smaug and the Necro as much as possible...

          

That didn't ring any bells, but through my Google-fu I was able to uncover an old discussion that does sound vaguely familiar.  However, the "Braga & Goldscale Worshippers" thing was (a) only ever attributed to Games Workshop, and (b) officially disavowed by GW.

http://newboards.theonering.net/forum/gforum/perl/gforum.cgi?post=601947

Edit: there you are at the bottom of the thread!

Aha! That's the thread I was thinking of it seems, as it is Games Workshop I'm probabaly on to nothing-the other posters pointed out that was a false rumour

It's kinda sad seeing my old posts on TORn...reminds me of the days I was enthusiasitc about the films  

Nothing surprises me at this point I'm just gonna see it twice for free and then pass judgment on it. Many folks are saying it's better and many are saying it's more of the same. No matter the results it's FREE so I win either way

malickfan wrote:It's kinda sad seeing my old posts on TORn...reminds me of the days I was enthusiasitc about the films  

It's not too late to still go in with a positive attitude! That's why I'm gonna (try to) do.

It's kinda sad seeing my old posts on TORn...reminds me of the days I was enthusiasitc about the films  

Before you realized the truth of it all

Well not exactly...I just got a little tired of the place, and my enthusiasm for the films has lessened the more I read the books...odd that...

I'm British, I have to go in thinking the worse, it's a national duty. How about indifference?

malickfan wrote:Well not exactly...I just got a little tired of the place, and my enthusiasm for the films has lessened the more I read the books...odd that...

I'm British, I have to go in thinking the worse, it's a national duty. How about indifference?

Well the books are and always will be better. THAT is why I get so Crabbit of Jackson's treatment of Tolkien decades of reading the book and knowing every detail and how it would work on film.

Sounds like Mrs Figg's sense of the film may have been right. This just in from the editor-in-chief of Collider.com

https://twitter.com/colliderfrosty/status/409049383380856832

Steven Weintraub
‏@colliderfrosty
embargo lifted: THE HOBBIT: DESOLATION OF SMAUG is almost nonstop action. People that had issues with last film are going to love this one.

Eldorion wrote:Sounds like Mrs Figg's sense of the film may have been right.  This just in from the editor-in-chief of Collider.com

https://twitter.com/colliderfrosty/status/409049383380856832

Steven Weintraub
‏@colliderfrosty
embargo lifted: THE HOBBIT: DESOLATION OF SMAUG is almost nonstop action. People that had issues with last film are going to love this one.

OH BOY here we go

Coming Soon has a positive review but says that DOS is "on par" with AUJ (which they evidently also liked well enough).

http://www.comingsoon.net/news/reviewsnews.php?id=112087

People that had issues with last film are going to love this one-

So Petty's going to LOVE it then judging by all the issues he had with the film (what, if anything did Petty like about the film...).

Hmm...at least it seems to have succeeded as a action film, frankly by this point I'm past caring about Jackson's butchering, if the film is good on its own terms I might be slighty pleased.

All the non-stop action does is to make action mundane. Way to go, PJ!

what, if anything did Petty like about the film...- Malick

The end credits, but I didnt stay for them.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:what, if anything did Petty like about the film...- Malick

The end credits, but I didnt stay for them.

 

Surely you could appreciate it as a comedy?

And as a Scot, didn't you sympathize with the Dwarven disregard for poncy vegetables?  

I'd love to read your AUJ review if it is still floating around in the archives...

http://www.hobbitmovieforum.com/t534p135-an-unexpected-journey-in-theatres-spoiler-thread

7th post from the top

{{{Psst, Petty, you can link directly to the post by clicking on the bold green title at the top of the post first, which adds a hashtag to the URL. }}}

They describe it as "fun", but they also compare it to King Kong's middle action sequences, so I'm not sure how much stock I can put in their assessment of what is fun.

Uh oh.

So round one of Petty v PJ, brought to you by Pure Publications gets under way. This will be a three round competition.
Petty was attached to a monitoring chair which in turn was hooked to a bank of crabbit meters, which in turn has a team of top NotP Boffins to monitor and record their readings in real time.

Here are their findings as they occurred.

Hey its Bilbo. He looks different. He sounds different too. Odd. And there is Frodo, looking much older and thinner. Um anyone know the point of all this? Hello? Scriptwriters?
Ah I see we are getting a continuity breaking intro to the dwarves.
Strangely there is no mention anywhere of the 7 dwarven rings at all. Not one word. Instead Thror just goes mad with greed for gold, or something.
And did Bilbo start his book twice then? What's going on? This isn't how Bilbo's book begins, we saw him begin it in FotR with 'Concerning Hobbits'
Hey the opening line from the book- crabbit meters dip - hey wait a minute- they changed the ending of it- the most iconic opening in children’s literature and PJ rewrites it?!!!

At this point there was a dangerous fluctuation in crabbit levels noted which had been slowly increasing since the films beginning, with the growing realisation the intro serves no useful purpose at all, save to link this directly with PJ's Lotr's- however Petty's crabbit levels begin to drop back off as he (wrongly as it turns out) believes PJ has now played the LotR's card and got it out the way.

Its the 'Good morning' dialogue- more or less- crabbit meter levels go into a swift decline, but still some hovering due to apparently unnecessary changes to the dialogue and the loss of the scene's final line.
There is also some uncertainty being picked up from Petty over Martin Freeman's performance, which seems rather forced, and acted and not as natural as had been hoped.
A serious character who is funny without knowing or meaning to be seems better than one which seems semi aware he is being ridiculous.
However Boffins were reading unexpected results after the initial intro, and with the dwarves arriving crabbit meter levels have setted into the positive as a rendition of crack the plates comes along- its a little overplayed, but its jolly fun and reminds Petty of the book- meters are registering high approval ratings against all the odds.
Sadly it is a short lived phenomenon and extra buckie is needed in a sudden crabbit emergency as the film pitches into Smaug attack on Dale- which just sems shot weirdly as they strive to avoid recealing Smaug, even thoughhe is the focus of everything going on. This scene is suplimentd later with another dwarvish flashback, a completely bastardised version of the war between the dwarves and the goblins.
In a film which will turn out to be in desperate need of a little complication in its narrative PJ squanders the chance to add any here and simplifies, simplifies.
Crabbit meters head into the danger zone as Azog fails to die and looks completely rubbish at the same time.
The battle itself is largely a visual mess of unfocused chaos- exactly what the viewer is supposed to be focusing on is anyone’s guess as a million cgi things swarm the screen to little avail.
Meters are also reading dangerous levels on the 'WTF' meter (dedicated to working out what's going on)- this meter was reading the problems Petty was having working out what the plot was supposed to be- the dwarves are fighting the orcs in order to retake Moria- but they don’t retake it because the Balrog is in there- but they knew the Balrog was in there before they made the plan to go retake it so didn’t they have an idea of what they were going to do?
Eventually we get the confrontation between Thorin and Azog in this battle and Thorin chops Azog's arm off. Then spends the rest of the film declaring Azog is dead long ago- despite seeing him helped away by his minions, and despite every time Thorin says "he died long ago" every other member of the cast looking shifty or giving each other knowing glances.
And for Azog PJ should surely win a prize this year for most contrived antagonist ever in a film.
Azog will now regularly appear in the film solely for the purpose of giving Thorin someone to fight at the end and to piss all over Bilbos development in the book- but more on that travesty of Tolkien later, for now crabbit levels are in the red!
Back in Bag End fortunately there is a bit more singing which eases crabbit levels back down with intermittent spikes as clumsy out of place dialogue continually surfaces.
Boffins, who were also monitoring some of Petty's companions as a comparative, note that without Petty's inherent crabbit spikes to keep him angrily interested, they have already succumbed to boredom and noticing how numb their bottoms are.

Finally after some clumsy humour over different ways Bilbo could die and the joke contract Bilbo leaves Bag End, with crabbit levels taking a bit of a spike at the lack of letter on mantelpiece or any Gandalf involvement in sending Bilbo off.
But dips again at the handkerchief getting a mention, although like all things PJ there is still a crabbit tremor in that he has to even blow that small detail up - as if to highlight it and say 'look, something from the book. stop complaining'.
In what is probably one of two deserving awards for most contrived set up for exposition we now go from Gandalf being asked about the other wizards (although amazingly Petty's crabbit humour meter registered a hit here as Gandalf fails to remember the names of the other two wizards- because PJ doesn’t have the rights to the book with their names in it) and the scene flies
to Radagast.

Boffins were prepared for a potential crabbit explosion at this point in the film and whilst crabbit levels spiked throughout the Radagast scenes they were never as bad as feared.
Partly this was down to him having relatively little screen time and even less dialogue- the distinct impression is gained however that the more there is of Radagast the more he has to say- the worse crabbit levels will become at his presence.
Crabbit levels also spiked at it being Radagast not Gandalf who goes to Dol Guldur. And the bunny sled, whilst brief enough on this first appearance was largely inoffensive whilst still looking ridiculous.
But the worst thing about Radagast is his only purpose in the film is to convey the sub-plot from point A- Mirkwood- to Point B- Gandalf- how he got there is another matter and sets off crabbit meters right across the specturm.

Meanwhile the trolls are making an appearance and crabbit levels dip back off. A little shifting around of how this encounter comes into being does not seem hugely necessary but provides Fili and Kili with something to do.
Talking trolls keep crabbit levels low but in what turns out to be an on going trend there are continual peaks as out of place anachronistic dialogue keeps popping up.
Levels take a further dip with a snot gag and head back down again when Gandalf fails to trick the trolls. The arrival of wargs- who seem to have been rendered in high quality expertly and painstakingly by Weta- then photoshopped by an amateur onto the backgrounds- sends crabbit levels into a frenzy.
However there is a moment where all crabbit levels cease and this is when Petty is asking himself "Why are we in Rohan now?" as a ridiculous chase scene involving Wargs, Radagast, a bunny sled, the landscape of Rohan and some of the worst cgi seen in a very long time.
Again the 'WTF?' meter lit up here as Gandalf got everyone to go safety down a hole which leads to a tunnel that leads to Rivendell. Seemingly this was Gandalf's plan all along as Thorin didn’t want to go there.
Now how did Gandalf know they would end up there? The wargs were circling round, randomly changing direction chasing Radagast, who seemed hell bent instead of leading the wargs away to instead continually lead them in front of Gandalf and the dwarves so cutting them off and forcing them to change direction. Yet amazingly they ended right by a secret way into Rivendell Gandalf had been leading them too anyway- and how was he planning to get them to go if the wargs hadn't shown up? At this point the 'oh what the fuck, who cares any more' meter lit up.
Extra buckie was again required at this point to prevent an imminent explosion.

Ah Rivendell, crabbit meters reflect well on the sight and Petty appears to be looking forward to seeing the effect the elves have on Bilbo and to showing why it is to Rivendell he would go in his old age.
Sadly PJ decides to forget all about Bilbo at this point and instead we get a LotR's reunion, which looks like what it is, phoned in by three actors in different studios from one another.
The point of this conversation appeared to be solely to increase crabbit levels- as first Gandalf bastardises some more Tolkien by talking about the Witch-King being defeated, killed and put in a tomb. And then by giving Saruman a shity set of excuses for having opposition- no mention of the dwarf rings, or any, and no mention of the Nazgul apart from the witch-kings tomb, no apparently instead Saruman is trying to convince the rest of the so called Wise that the Necromancer is
just some normal bloke doing a bit of magic. The WTF meter goes into overload and needs buckie to cool it.
Following some moon rune reading which is well enough played but requires a change of location for no other reason than to have a dramatic cgi waterfall in it.
So while Gandalf jaws the dwarves and a presumably unimpressed with Rivendell Bilbo head off into the mountains. Where they get involved in one of the most contrived and pointless action sequences, in a film with a good few contenders for that title.
The stone giants, this scene appears to exist solely for the benefit of those watching in 3D- as it serves no reasonable purpose in 2D.
Making the sliding staircase intermission in Moria in FotR look like a necessity of plot making in comparison, the stone giant scene is an exercise in undermining any sense of danger.
Crabbit levels were spiking continually as people dangled from cliffs, dangled from each other, got smashed into cliff faces, heaved through the air and dangled a bit more of high things.
A little known fact about Tolkiens dwarves PJ seems to believe is that they are made of
rubber.
This is fortunate as worse is yet to come and crabbit meters were already dangerously high.
Crabbit meters dip again slightly as the dwarves seek refuge from all the cgi outside by going in a cave and a decent scene follows as Bilbo decides he is not cut out for this and is going home- of course the problem here, and detected by crabbit meters, is that anyone who had just gone through all that with the stone giants would have sooner eaten their own feet off than go back outside again - let alone someone who had decided they had had enough.
The WTF meter was back in action, ruining what could otherwise have been a nice moment had it
been better placed.
Crabbit meters peaked again when the floor of the cave gave way and everyone took another PJ tumble which should have left them a pile of broken bones and death but barely knocks the wind out of anyone.
The sea of cgi goblins that makes an appearance harbour what is, for the entire Goblin Town section, a video game, but one in which you never get a go and that doesn't look that much fun anyway.

At this point Boffins believed they had a problem with crabbit meters as all readings fell away to nothing. In a panic it seemed likely that Petty had in fact passed away during the Goblin Town section, but upon closer examination it turned out he had just lost the will to live.

Crabbit meters took a respite when the scene shifted back to Bilbo and Riddles in the Dark.
Crabbit meters went back into the green for the first time since the Bag End scenes at Gollum's glowing eyes- but where the hell were they in LotR's PJ? is a thought which sets Petty's crabbit meter back off again.
There is a little overplaying of the split personalities, but the scene is the best in the film and registers the most favourable readings on the Petty crabbit meter. The inclusion of some of the riddles keeps crabbit meters well under control.
A few small pikes occur, particularly some of the humour, and the shifting of the buttons scene from the back door, which seemed unnecessary.

However crabbit meters have barely had a respite before Azog turns back up. A small dip in readings results from Petty realising its nearly over but they soon go back up as the fir trees scene turns into another excuse to dangle not just one person, but everyone off a cliff this time.

And then the worst thing in a film of bad things occurs. Thorin decides to fight Azog one on one, despite it seems being a bit shit at the old fighting lark, as he is soon dispatched and pinned down helplessly and so Bilbo attacks the orc ordered to behead Thorin- and stabs him to death.
At this point all meters drop again and the meter reading shock levels goes through the roof causing a minor fire.
The little character development Bilbo had being given has just been shat out the window.
Bilbo stabs an orc, to death, saving Thorin.
Thorin however may be dead- and with good reason as he was not only badly thrown about whacked in the face with a mace which would have surely shattered every bone in his jaw, but bitten through by warg teeth measuring at least 3 inches in length each.
However as PJ's dwarves are made of rubber all it takes is a bit of a breeze as the eagles fly them all to safety. This bit of a breeze seemingly also now means Thorin realises how wrong he was about Bilbo- who can kill with the best of them so is to be welcomed with open arms.
Everyone hugs and cheers, except Petty who is crying by this point.
A final crabbit meter spike occurs as we see Smaug playing hide and seek under his gold and wondering why it has taken the dwarves so long to try and come and find him.
And as a final insult he is not even close to Golden looking.

Petty was carried from the cinema on a stretcher following this investigation- his final words were "the trailer for PI was quite good." He is currently on a buckie drip until he recovers.


...Once Again I find myself in awe of your Crabbiness and from the heart thoughts on The Hobbit.

All I can really say is...I Sympathise very very very much...