Agent Nora and the Freaky Bean

ooooooooo, Now THATS for me !

you know mrs Figg you are amazing and I really love your stories but..... what are you smoking?

dried carrot ciggies

Eldo Elf smiled at Nora. She preferred the glacial staring, there was something of the "tell me everything in 5 seconds or you are toast", about that smile.
"my Lord and Lady wish to converse with you", he said, trying to sound friendly and failing miserably. "come with me human girl".
Nora followed him up a silver path past Elven guards holding long sharp spears. There was a shimmering blue light coming from a pavilion in the trees. The Lord and Lady were sat on high thrones made of the same white or slightly greyish wood.
"welcome" said the Lord. He had long red hair down to his waist, and was wearing a tartan kaftan thingie. "I am Lord Pettulance of Avalon". he enunciated every word irritatingly slowly.
"for Took's sake get on with it", she thought.
"thats not very polite", said a voice in her head, and looking at the Lady Amarie Nora realized that she could read her mind. Nora gulped and tried hard not to imagine Lord Pettulance naked.
"sorry" thought Nora,
"oh its alright" thought the Lady back, "he's drunk", he talks like this after the time he was found naked wandering about Mirkin Forest, trying to sell suspiciously hairy nuts to the squirrels. Turns out they were Orc nuts. Its a sad story".
"For Orcs sake!", said Nora, "can we talk aloud, this is giving me the collywobbles".

"If we must" said Lady Amarie loftily.
"we are gathered here at the edge of Doom" intoned Lord Pettulance slowly and Shakespearian-y.
"Long was this Doom foretold", *cough* he looked at Amarie as if to ask if he could continue.
"yes dear", said Amarie, "I think it will be quicker if I explain".
"yes dear", he said meekly.
He sat down again with a plop, lifted one pert butt cheek and let forth a mightly TOOT! TOOT!
Immediately some Elves ran in and circled Nora.
"no no false alarm" said Lady Amarie, "its the predominantly vegetarian diet, it plays havoc with our delicate tubing. She sniffed at her husband, and wrinkled her delicate nose.
As Nora stood there in front of the thrones, people had been quietly appearing behind her. She turned round and a small crowd had grouped around the thrones, they were all staring at the Lady in awe.
"Ah here is my cousin king ThandOrwelluil from Mirkin Forest", she said.
An Elf walked forward and bowed to her and she bowed back. He was dressed in a flowing sparkling gauzy dress, with diamond earings, and lots of diamond rings. He spoke with a deep manly voice, which came as a shock from someone so foppish.
"Greetings O Queen of Queens" he said in a growly gravelly voice.
"I have come at speed to warn thee of great danger, there be weirdness in Mirkin Forest, there be Swingers having wild parties, there be folk throwing their bunny sled keys into a pot, and elf swapping happening. Tis frightening the squirrels and woodland voles.

*wipes tears*

This is great. I love Pettulance and ThrandOrwelliul.

Brilliant, Mrs figg !
(like the avatar, Eldo!)

So much great stuff to read- really enjoying this and still got Amaries to read yet!

azriel wrote:Brilliant, Mrs figg !
(like the avatar, Eldo!)

Thanks, Azriel! I figured I'll wear it until the Super Bowl to show my team spirit.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:So much great stuff to read- really enjoying this and still got Amaries to read yet!

Don't forget to read the latest update I posted too! Canonical Needlehole is back!

They were all standing around taking covert glances at each other, Nora wondered where ThrandOrwelluil had got his boots, they were pointed and high heeled and divine.
Suddenly there was a puff of green smoke and a tall wizard with a pointy hat and staff appeared out of nowhere. Nora jumped, but the others just acted cool, like nothing had happened. Nora saw Amarie roll her eyes.
"hullu and good morning, tis I, G.B the Grey, have you missed me?"
Nora saw some people shift uneasily, some of them looked irritated.
There was a stony silence.
"I am back" he wavered.
silence.
"But then again if nobody wants to see my dead moth collection? he frowned.
"G.B you are welcome Lady Amarie said, "but are you going to stick around this time?, cos we really need a reliable wizard on this one."
"oh absolutely, I wont just disappear leaving you up to the short and curlies, I promise", he looked eagerly at them all.
Hearts were melted at the sight of his bushy eyebrows, indeed it was hard to be mad at G. B for long.

"so", he said, lets get down to buisness, is this a Quest?"
"yes it is, said a voice behind him. Elthir walked up to the group.
"I have decided that Eldolas the Elf, this human girl, Elthir, ThrandOrwelliul, must go to Mirkin Forest, defeat Dave the Necromancer and put a stop to the Swingers Ball. said Lady Amarie.
"yarse" said Lord Pettulant. "and I hope when you see the Necromancer, you tell him that his zombie carrots are not canon.
"hey what about me" said a little voice, "I am coming too".
"Hah!, said Lord Pettulant, "indeed even though you were not invited to this secret meeting, I knew you would follow Elthir, cos you think he is hot".
"garn", said a lady Elf called Azriel in tight leather britches and a quiver of bows across her back.
"just dooin my duty as a kick ass babe around these parts, and anyway theres no romantical doo-daas If i dont tag along, and who's going to save you from the inevitable talking critters?. sheesh"

Oh gosh ! my name's there, aw shucks !
(I hope I give them what for!)
Great tale Mrs figg !

cheers Azriel

my computer died last night in the middle of a reply, looking forward to read this when I got time though

Pettytyrant101 wrote:So much great stuff to read- really enjoying this and still got Amaries to read yet!

and Norc!

"Ah here is my cousin king ThandOrwelluil from Mirkin Forest", she said.
An Elf walked forward and bowed to her and she bowed back. He was dressed in a flowing sparkling gauzy dress, with diamond earings, and lots of diamond rings. He spoke with a deep manly voice, which came as a shock from someone so foppish.

"I have come at speed to warn thee of great danger, there be weirdness in Mirkin Forest, there be Swingers having wild parties, there be folk throwing their bunny sled keys into a pot, and elf swapping happening. Tis frightening the squirrels and woodland voles.

well, i knew the parties in the mirk were heavy but.. wow

you write so well, mrs Figg, that last instalment had me giggle ^^ I'm liking thig quest.. mission.. thing.

"yarse" said Lord Pettulant. "and I hope when you see the Necromancer, you tell him that his zombie carrots are not canon.

I name thee the Company of the Carrots", said Lord Pettulant with a sweep of his tartan kaftan.
and they all stood there as if an invisible palantirazzi was taking their photo.
There was ThrandOrwelluil for the Elves of the forest of Mirkin, G.B the grey wizard, Eldolas and Azriel for the Elves of Avalon, Elthir the Dwarf of Lyonesse, and Agent Nora for Svalfart.
"But what of the Loremsters of the land of New Farthing?, said the Lady, without them you have no chance of reading the moon letters of Quantum Electrodynamics without one".
"Indeed said Pettulant, " We are all familiar with the idea that light moves in straight lines, but when it goes from one medium to another (such as air to ice table) it tends to change direction. Fermat realized that the path light takes from one point to another is the one that takes the shortest possible time. If the speed of light is constant, this would always be a straight line – but light travels slower in water (or glass or indeed a convenient ice table ) than in air. Let’s assume light is to travel from point A to point B from moon to ice table, taking one of several possible paths".
"Dont listen to him", said a small hairy creature from behind them.
"he's a fruitcake".
"Everyone knows the moon is shiny and points a ray of moonbeams directly at the ice table at precicely half past midnight on the 3rd of June on a leap year after I have eaten some particularly fine cheese".
"Is this true Pettulant?", glowered G.B.
"um well........."
The little creature padded forward and cocked his head on one side. He had large amber green eyes and golden hair, he was very cute.
"I am Halfwise from the Flat Earth and anti Dinosaur League, dont listen to all this nonsense about Biffo being our distant cousin, its an affront to reason, and very silly. We all know Pettulant likes to dabble in the popular sciences, and encourage outrageous decadent hairdos. I will go with you and I will read the moon map, I can understand strange diagrammy thingies

"oh yes oh yes wooppee!" cried ThandyOrwelliul, and then coughed and made his voice sound deep and manly again.
"I mean indeed that sounds suitably dashing and postmodern."
Pettulant arched his eyebrow and tried to look affronted yet lordly, which is quite difficult in a tartan skirt, but still. Bless.
and they all stood around again to get the invisible photo out of the way and sent off to Quixpix.

This is great stuff ! Im loving it, its the closest yet to a Mickey-take film !