what sort of jokes can I get away with?

lol love zombie jokes

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking . We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins? '

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'

what

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears.

He says, “So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?”

She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. Me husband passed away last night.”

The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?”

She says, “That he did, Father…”

The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?”

She says, “He said, “Please Mary, put down that damn gun.”

Paddy & his two friends are talking at a bar,His first friend says,

"I think my wife is having sex with the electrician. The other
day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they
weren't mine.
His second friend says,

"I think my wife is having sex with the plumber. The other day I
found a pipe-wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says,

"I think my wife is having sex with a horse

Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief

"I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under
our bed."

what

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.
The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her
ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next
hole.


Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped,
his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and
proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said,

"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I
could relieve your pain if you'd allow me", she said earnestly.

"Umph, ooh, nnoo, I'll be alright, I'll be fine in a minute", he
replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still
clasping his hands together at his crotch

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She
gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she
loosened his pants, and put her hands inside and began to massage
him. She then asked him: "How does that feel?

He replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

what

There's an echo in the room

there's an echo in the room

those are great Azriel

Thankyou Mrs Figg

those are great

My husband and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food..... he goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

@ Pirates/Kim Jong Un

kim Jong-un is my celebrity crush