what sort of jokes can I get away with?

wot?

Mrs Figg wrote:wot?

Ditto!

chris63 wrote:

F*&%KING Brilliant!!!

chris63 wrote:I see that actress got murded last night. Reese, whats her name ?

Witheraspoon or a knife or...?

wot?

Your supposed to say Witherspoon (Reese) then i say, no with a knife. Ally got it

Thanks for sorting that out Chris. Ally is usually 2 lines of dialogue ahead of us.

yes she's esoteric.

This is so funny

http://www.downvids.net/his-laugh-will-make-you-laugh-308308.html

Oh how the unbelievers mock - but that gentleman is in buckie world- who knows what insights into the universe that fence was giving him as he spoke to and fell on it.

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??

Love, Your Hubby


To My Dearest Husband,

I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:

Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times

Did not come home at all - 36 times

Did not come - 21 times

Came too soon - 38 times

Went soft before you got it in - 19 times

Cramps in your leg - 16 times

Working too late - 33 times

You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times

Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times

You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times

You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times

You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times

You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times

Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling.

What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife:)

that was.. brilliant xD

That is sick! But very funny!

ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

(((some good ideas there By Jove!!! )))))

I remember back in college I was sharing a house between a few guys and a few women. Some tabloid had printed a story about a man being gang raped by a pack of women, with a phrase along the lines of "...there are many ways women can force themselves on a man..." and the poor young women in the house were driving themselves batty trying figure out what these many ways were. They never considered their room-mates to be worthy practice dummies, alas, but it was an interesting time nonetheless.

Chris:- your jokes.........

I don't recall if I said this elsewhere, but I'm glad to have you back, Azriel. I hope life is going better for you.

Thankyou!

My Granddad got his tongue shot out in the war.

He never talks about it

Two penguins were walking across an iceberg. One penguin turned to the second penguin and said, "You look like you're wearinga tuxedo." And the second penguin said,"Maybe I am."