God is a Woman

God is a Woman. The ancients knew this. How did the silly idea that God is a Man come into the equation?

I doen nowe. Jellysea?

I beleve in Affroditty, actually.

I can't agree. Eru made both Male and Female, but he's clearly a guy.

Indeed, He made more than One Male and One Female. Imagine if He hadn't! We'd all be not only related to each other but - eek! - quite possibly married to each other!

I feel the world would be a lot tidier if God was a Woman.

I heard Aphrodite was pretty untidy. Maybe, Porgy is right. Would explain all the sexual difference in the Universe. Humans and Hobbits are getting up to all sorts of things. Only a Female God would allow that, surely?

Persuasive argument nothwithstanding, Orwell, Eru is clearly Male. Everyone knows that. Haven't you even read our Holy Bible? (The Silmarillion, I mean).

What about sexual organs?

Pardon me?

Well, if God doesn't have reproductive organs - sorry, I should have said, "reproductive" organs - actually, "ovaries", I mean - in a womb, of course - then how could the Universe be given birth to? Perhaps Eru was a Demigod - you know, one of God's children. And he would have had between seven and fifteen siblings too - so that there was no incest. They would have been made good at maths too, and have an understanding of Holy (Pure) Genetics. I'm not sure Eru would have approved of Incest, that's why I'm saying this. Not like that Jehovah chap who only made Adam and Eve to start humanity with. That implies 'tacit' approval of incest in my opinion. Anyhow, God would have had to be a woman - only women give birth to children, or Universes. It's a logical explanation.

Well, logic and God don't necessarily go hand in hand, nor do they need to. We are in the sphere of miracles and the paranormal here, Jane. I confess I'm a little worried about you. Don't you teach that Eru was a guy at Our Lady's?

I do indeed, Odo. Like Saint Paul, I supply milk to the uninitiated and childlike (not literal milk!) and more solid food for those who are ready for the Truth. Now, shush... We shouldn't talk of the Deeper Magic. We're in the Shallow Magic area. Haven't you even read The lion , The Witch and the Wardrobe? C.S.L knew a thing or two - and to think, people tought him a chauvinist. How clever he was. He attended Our Lady, did you know that? Anyway, moving on - I was thinking you were a Spiritual person, Odo... I'm quite disappointed:-Jane

I am a Spiritual Person, Jane. I swear it. I just didn't know I was swimming around at the shallow end...

This all reminds me a bit about that dark mirror in a dark cave and some shadowy figure past behind you, but seen only in that dark glass... We could give it a watery explanation too, I guess. You know, seeing a shadow reflected in some muddy water... Though I confess, this getting a bit too philosophical for my taste. Frankly, I'd rather Believe abnything that sit here having to think about it too much. I vote for God being a Woman... I always like to please a Lady, Jane.

Oh you can be such a delightful hobbit when you want to be, Orwell. Now, who else votes for God being a Woman?:-Jane

I vote for Eru -- but I now think Eru is a Lady... I would also like to enrol in that Deeper Water Class or whatever it is you hold, Jane... please...

Affratitty! Affratitty! Affratitty!

No, I prefer a Male God, I think. Someone a bit like George Clooney... but with a feminine side too... and possibly a womb.. An all purpose, George Clooney-type guy would be excellent.

FORUMSHIRE NOTABLES TAKE POLL ON GOD

It has been reported that a group of Forumshire's most Norable Notables are currently taking a poll on whether Eru is a Man, a Woman, or a Hermaphrodite. Our sources also tell us that our less Notable Forumshire folk are having their own thoughts - or will have.

Projections:

Baingil: "Clearly it should be a Male God, but I prefer a Female God. She would be far tidier."

Eldo: "I believe what I'm told - don't I, Baingil."

Chris: "My vote probably has no merit, as I barrack for West Coast, but for what it's worth, I believe in a Lady God with well proportioned parts."

Petty: "If she drinks buckie, then I can believe!"

Lorient: "I don't believe in imaginary Gods, just the Real One - Jehovah."

Tinuviel: "I belive in the Catholic God. He's my favorite. And Jesus, too. He's kind of inspirational."

AllY: "Is Syd Barrett an option? What about Fredie Mercury?"

Ringrotten: "I'm out on manoevures, which are none of your business."

Amarie: "Dark Planet doesn't hold with this kind of talk."

Leelee: "No comment. I don't think this kind of talk should be taken seriously."

GB: "I was never drownded. That's just crazy talk!"

Wisey Banks: "I think it would be odd, if a girl was a God."

The Bugle will report how the Poll ends up. I personally wil be voting for the I am Woman, I am God Party.

Lesbo Proudfoot
Editor in Chief
The Archet Bugle

I'm all over that George Clooney-type God.

I think Petty's projected comment should be removed. Believing in God just because she drinks buckie, is no foundation for holding a religious belief!

I agree. What a sacrilious approach! You should be ashamed, Petty!

We must be fair about this. Let's see what he thinks about the projection before we damn him to Hell. He may have a change of heart when he sees it:-Jane

Itz onee fayr!

Frankly, I'd have him lynched. Sacriligious bastard!