what sort of jokes can I get away with? [3]

I'm directing a cowboy film called The Sun.

It's set in the west.

azriel wrote:I filled my car with petrol last night.

Bit stupid really, most of it poured out when I opened the door.

{{{}}}

News just in:



Someone has been killed with a starter pistol !!!



Police think it might be race related..............

My mate just phoned me to tell me he had changed his name by deed poll to "Spinal Column".



"Can I call you back?" I asked

Two chaps dressed in armour walk into a hotel lobby.



One says, "A room for two knights please

BREAKING: A man who took an airline to court after losing his luggage has lost his case.

I suffer from diarrhoea

My father suffers from diarrhoea as did his father



Runs in the family

My uncle had his tongue shot off in WW2..
He doesn't talk about it tho.

Jonathan Ross was arrested this morning for stealing kitchen utensils.

He said it was a whisk worth taking.

A teacher asked her class to name things that ended with 'tor', that ate things.
The first little boy said, "Alligator."
"Very good James, that's a big word."
The second boy said, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word Josh,. Very well done."
Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't
eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!

My parents were midgets, all there life they struggled to put food on the table.

Went to the sperm clinic earlier.
The lady asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup?

I said 'I'm good but I'm not ready for competition yet'

Thish thread hash been bleshed by Eru.

Praishe bee!

Found a mass grave today, full of melted snowmen,
"Dave" shouted my wife, "Come away from that pond!"

I'm loving my Oscar Pistorius Advent Calendar made by Smirnoff.

There's a shot behind every door.

I finally met someone online who shares my fetish for urinating on dried fruit.
We're going on a date next week !!

Two Chinese men break into a distillery.
One asks the other,is it Whisky?
He replies, not as whisky as wobbing a bank.

"My missus has been assaulted by a marsupial in Malaysia."
"Kuala Lumpur?"
"No, it was a big kangaroo."