Agent Nora and the TARDIS

The Meister looked very pleased with his days work, and sat on his throne and stroked his pussy in a Bond Villain kinda way.

An interesting character depiction. Mysterious or ambiguous, I can't really guess which matches best yet...

I don't like deli queue jumpers.

After much hmmphing and rolling of eyes they all shuffled into the TARDIS and stood looking askance at one another.
Lance went off to find some trousers. As did the Meister. But not together because that would have been too gay for words.
'While those two weirdos have gone' said the Doctor,' can you find a way of turning me into the right Doctor again? he said to Halfy.
No probs' said Halfy diving under the consul and fiddling with his transponders.
'look see this here turbsqueezometer just needs a thrutch-divider and this spaceball has to be....BOOM! small green explosion...lots of green smoke.. a lanky geezer with a black leather coat and cropped hair coughed his way out of the smoke.
'This is Fantastic!' he grinned manically.
'Halfy this is the wrong direction mate, but now I am here we will have less chat and snogging and more Mancunian smartassery. thanks.'
He reached under the consul and dragged Halfy out and sat him on a table'.
'Much as I appreciate the loss of the quiff, this isn't helping' said the new Doctor rubbing his head..
'Snot my fault' said halfy aggrieved, 'its Daves fault!'
'whos Dave?' said Nora looking into dark corners, 'has he got a PhD in nuclear physics too?'
'yarp' said Halfy, 'he assured me the quantum-jiggerator was waving to a mass of cats and foolishly I believed him'.
'anyway mate, try again because I am never going to fill my girlfriends crack in the wall looking like this' 'am I?'
'much as I tried in season one'.
'ok ok half a mo' said Halfy. 'if I press the string-o-lingo-chronometer just so'
BOOM!
'oh gawd look at the chin!' said Lance
'never mind the chin, look at the bowtie' said Nora.
'weeeeeeeeee!' said the Doctor, doing a hippy gig in the middle of the room. 'this is FUN!
he was all elbows and feet.
He had to go.
Halfy frantically pulled all the stops out and there was an almighty BOOM! but even bigger.
the right Doctor emerged smoothing down his quiff.
'phew that's better' said Halfy, and they all nodded in agreement.

Love it.

Its brilliant

Suddenly the TARDIS gave an almighty lurch and everyone was fake thrown to one side and then the other.
'cor blimey I think we are being attacked by Klingons' said the Doctor.
pooh! 'impossible' said the Meister, 'that certainly isn't canon, it isn't even canon in the darkest corners of tumblr and I should know cos I do my research' he nodded sagely.
'I will canon your arse in a minute' said Nora
'stop arguing you two, and think for a minute, who can help us out of this mess?
'A Loremaster?' said the Meister jumping up and down in anticipation, 'that's who we need alrighty!
I am sure the Downton Abbess and the Sisters of Wardrobe Malfunction would be only too willing to help us' mused The Doctor.
'You cant be serious' spluttered the Meister, 'they have been corrupted by the teachings of that hellfire presenter Alan Titmarsh, dispensations in Marks and Spencer loyalty cards! its madness! they even make you wear sensible knickers, up to your waist! he wailed.
'oh I don't know' said Halfy, 'their brie and grape sandwiches are super'
'shut it you' whispered the Meister.


'

The Sisters of Wardrobe Malfunction swished towards them, their bustles rustling in the breeze like dried leaves.
'who is in charge here? said Sister Amarite in an authoritive voice
'I am' said Agent Nora before the lads could speak. Sensing it was important.
'Good!' said Sister Figg-Trumpington, 'Do you have a licence for those men?' she pointed.
'we don't want men wandering around biting the furniture' said Sister Azulike nodding to the others.
'oh yes the licences are in the kitchen drawer at home' said Nora. Sensing that this would go down well.
'Good!' said the Sisters in unison.
'come with us, we will give you the correct clothing for out seminary, you poor things have obviously been too near the evil Deathstar Moffatsphere, you are all quite shocking, but those two with the short skirts are particularly provocative and sinful. said Sister Figg-T to the Meister and Lance.
'Pervs!' said the Sisters in unison.
The Sisters lived in a ruined castle a bit like Dooglydoor but with bidets. They waged constant war on short skirts and for those who flaunted their lady bits on Youtube videos there was no mercy and no escape.
The Sisters had decided that the Doctor and his friends would have to be taught a lesson in humility, nothing too dramatic just a reminder of who wore the wimple.
They were invited in the front parlour to take tea with the three Sisters. The room was hot and sleepy, before long the companions were gently dozing in front of the fire.
They all woke up with a start and immediately wondered where they were. All they could see was a screen and a keypad in front of them. There was nothing else, empty space, nothingness. They were in the ethersphere and all there was was a forum called Forumshire.
'where the ell are we? typed Agent Nora, she was so freaked out there were some understandable typos.
'shit' typed lance
'how do we get out of here' said Halfy, 'oh that's queer I don't have a stomach anymore'.
'its all gone quiet' typed The Doctor, 'can you hear me?'
'no' typed lance
'are we molecules in a wave pattern thrumming the eternal time space thingie? typed Halfy.
'shut it and think' typed the Meister
'I want my body back' typed Agent Nora, I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home!'
POOF!
and there they were, sitting front of the fire with cups of tea in their hands as if nothing sinister had happened to them. The three Sisters had mischevious little smiles on their faces and sipped their tea and winked at each other.
As one the Doctor and his companions rose, politely made their excuses and legged it back to the TARDIS as fast as their legs could carry them, before the sinister Sisters could blow their minds any further.

'I think we are lucky to be alive' said Nora
'yarp did you see their tails swishing?' said Halfy
'oh I don't think we were in any real danger' said the Doctor with a nervous giggle, 'its a good job I wasn't the chinny one, he would have got us all killed dead in Forumshire'.
'yeah' said lance, 'he would'.
'well I don't believe a word of it, they are only ladies of uncertain....er...powers'. said The Meister
'with swishing Large predatory Cat tails' said Nora.
'Lions, Tigers and Bares' said Halfy.
'phooey!' said the Meister, 'they didn't scare me no sirree'
The Doctor gave him an appreciatory look, hastily extinguished.
'well now what? how am I ever going to find my Sarcastic Scottish self again' said the Doctor.
'well its obvious, said Nora, 'we have to do the Timewarp yeah?'
'take a jump to the left?
'with your hands on your hips?
'lets do the Timewarp yeah!
'oh I think its working!
'or maybe not'
there was quite a violent POOF! and more green smoke. A man in a long green shiny robe stood before them.
'Welcome my friends.. Welcome to OZ!!!!
gorp! said nora.

'well its obvious, said Nora, 'we have to do the Timewarp yeah?'
'take a jump to the left?
'with your hands on your hips?
'lets do the Timewarp yeah!
'oh I think its working!

Loved it ! In fact there's so much I loved I love your sense of imagination

thanks Azriel

This is brill !!

It is.

Love youir writing, Figg. You have a real Spike Milligan-ee turn of phrase, and it seems so effortless.

crikey! that's praise indeed. I love Spike Milligan.

The highest.

Agent Nora wandered off to get some chips. The Doctor wandered off to the beach and remembered the last time he had been with a blonde chips muncher.

She let herself in with the TARDIS keys and wondered what lay instore. The Doctor had disappeared, along with the others, maybe they had gone to have a donkey ride on the beach, she hoped Lance and Petty had trousers on.

does nobody care I was actually IN the TARDIS?

That was your hand

That was you? I just thought you found some picture online.

that was ME with my TARDIS key.  How do you think I got to Scarborough?

Yes but, when, did you get there?